Permanent losses...

   There is something haunting about the realization that you have lost something.... for good. 

  I think i first felt this when my mother passed away. I still feel that void today. 

  But more recently i realized i have lost the opportunity to be a father. I never knew my biological father and together with the loss of my mother and the opportunity to be a father myself, something dawned on me....

  I have no ties to the past or the future. I'm not sure how to feel about this. There is a loneliness there that can't be put into words. 

  But what better state to learn dependance on God? 

    I only wish that being broken didn't hurt so much.